Commitment is something people have to deal with every day of their lives. I find myself a very committed person once involved with an asset. Companies, a person, a belief, plans of action, are what I consider assets. I choose my commitments based on the asset and how it affects my life and how my involvement can make whatever situation better or worse. I choose to falter on my commitments based on the perceived consequences of faltering. Rarely, once committed, do I ever break a commitment. When I do, I have a damn good reason and I typically try to resolve the situation in some way, shape, or form.

 

As I have said many times before, I despise being disliked by people. I can't stand it. I want everyone to be my friend, as lame and impossible as that sounds, it is the truth. Therefore when it comes to making a commitment to a person I find it very difficult to follow through, because the consequences of breaking that commitment, if such a situation arose, would be devastating for myself and the person involved.

 

The application of this, individually conceived logic, clearly makes it difficult for me to take some risks. Which is a bad thing.

 

On the flip side of it all, many of my conscious decisions are based on whims and low-risk decisions, which I am happy to take. But these low-risk decisions can then lead to a high-risk decision, which are no fun deciding. This makes me appear to some as very spontaneous, shoot from the cuff, a non-planner (which in fact I am, in many respects) until a big decision comes up. When that big decision arrives I get scared and run away, or I analyze, interpret, and ponder waay too much.

 

Maybe my perception of consequences is skewed. I consider a bad consequence as something extremely embarrassing happening, losing a lot of money, having hurt feelings, physical damage, loss of a friend, general un-happiness or an inability to do something you want to do because you don't want to give someone else emotional distress. Is hurting someone's feelings a little bit now better than hurting your own feelings and probably that same person's feelings greatly, later?

 

Life is complicated. I know I don't have it figured out, and I know I probably never will. I know I analyze some things too much. I know some things I do not analyze enough. I just want to have fun and be happy. Above and beyond that, I want to make anyone I encounter have fun, be happy and most importantly, remember that it was me.